Let’s talk about friend-zoning. Because it’s an annoyingly ambiguous phrase and it needs to leave the vernacular.

I got into an argument on New Year’s with a guy friend about friend-zoning.  My friend argued that friend-zoning is when a girl tells a guy that she just wants to be friends, then continues to flirt with him and use his attraction to exploit favors and special treatment from him. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure we already have a word for that: manipulation.

I said it was a phrase that, let’s be honest, is often used by Nice Guys™ (also known as having Nice Guy Syndrome) accompanied by some form of “Girls are jerks who only date jerks! I’m such a nice guy, they should want me, but I always get stuck in the friend-zone! Grumble grumble!” It’s just an easy way to victimize yourself. Don’t do it.

We already have less argumentative words and phrases for whatever you’re trying to use friend-zoning as. Did a guy flirt with you for weeks, make it seem like he was genuinely interested, then suddenly stop with no warning? He didn’t friend-zone you, he flaked. Did you approach a girl who told you she only wants to be friends? You weren’t friend-zoned, you were rejected. Isn’t it so much easier to use these words? I definitely prefer them to a phrase whose definition is very much up for debate.

Let’s be specific, people. And for gods’ sake, stop blaming other people for your single-ness. It’s probably because you don’t shower very often.