So, the Steubenville rape case has reached its conclusion, with both boys found guilty of rape. Trent Mays and Ma’lik Richmond, both 16, are spending a year in the juvie slammer and a lot longer on the sex offender registry.

For those of you who don’t know much about this, a 16 year-old girl in Steubenville, Ohio went to a party with a bunch of guys on her high school’s football team. She was given a spiked drink. She was urinated on and raped. The girl woke up the next morning in an unfamiliar house, missing her underwear, shoes and cell phone. She found out what happened through photos taken of her assault that were on Twitter. Classy.

While I’m glad those two boys are facing the music for their crime, this case, and people’s reactions to it, just goes to show how much our rape culture is embedded in our society. We live in a society where news outlets focus on how much the girl had to drink that night, or how the boys involved are such good students and football players and how sad it is that this is happening to them (I’m looking at you, CNN). Victim blaming, anyone?

For me, the saddest part of the case was part of Evan Westlake’s testimony. As an attendee of the party, he saw the whole thing go down. When the prosecutors asked why he didn’t stop the assault, he responded with “It wasn’t violent. I didn’t know exactly what rape was. I thought it was forcing yourself on someone.”

And there it is.

We’ve been teaching everyone that rapists are these stranger boogeymen who jump out of the bushes at night. We’ve been taught that rape only happens at knifepoint in a dark alley. Every time an authority figure has talked to me about rape, it’s always been about protecting myself from an attacking stranger. The fact that most people are raped by someone they know seems to have vanished from the collective conscious of our society.

That’s where the problem lies. We’re teaching everyone how not to get raped, when we should be teaching not to rape. Period. I’m hardly the first person to say this, but it’s still not said enough. Zerlina Maxwell said it on Fox news and received rape threats (seriously) for it. Not cool, everyone.

We need to get used to the idea that rapists aren’t usually some scary stranger in the shadows. The fact that someone couldn’t recognize rape when it was happening right in front of him should be proof enough that things need to change.

So let’s change it.