Blue and White Anxiety

Whether or not it occurs during a class, meeting, or any other event requiring other people, nothing makes me feel short bursts of anxiety than when a question is asked that needs to be answered, an assignment that needs to be taken, or anything else that requires a person to accomplish it and the whole room is silent. This is especially prudent in times which I know the answer, or I am able to take the assignment or whatever, but for some reason it takes a lot out of me just to speak in front of the class, or meeting, or whatever, especially to the person who has asked the question. Some of the time, I do suck it up and make the interaction, only to sink back into myself and let the tension go away that I usually feel in the core of my stomach.

To the readers who may be confused by this statement, you have just caught a glimpse into what it feels like to have anxiety; of course this instance, although usually not, may just apply to me. Anxiety is extremely confusing, as it affects a huge group of people but in a multitude of different ways. What may bring pleasure to me, such as helping others through interaction in some way, may make others who experience living with anxiety extremely anxious. However, from simple, everyday tasks that I complete throughout the day, my anxiety tends to writher in and out from my thoughts.

Just the other day I experienced one of the most extremes that usually comes with my anxiety. For me, education is something that I cannot largely ignore, I have to keep up with the all of my studies pretty regularly, in order to make sure that I know all of the information by the time an exam rolls around. However, this creates immense feelings of anxiety for me, specifically testing.

During my junior year of high school the whole notion of having to take the ACT was a huge cause of anxiety, as it proved to be a huge cost factor of getting into college. Fortunately I did an ok job on the ACT, enough to ultimately be accepted into the School of Education here at Millikin University, but the other day I was under the impression that this would not be achieved. When taking a look back at my score, I noticed that under the writing portion of one of the times that I had taken the ACT, a huge factor of getting into the school of education as a part of my major, I noticed that the scores were different from the requirements that were discussed. For a whole day I dreaded having to take the ACT again, let alone the thought in the back of my head that if I were to end up not achieving a good enough score, making me have to take the test again. However, I was told that my score was passing and that I was able to continue into becoming a member into the school of education, much to my joy and extreme relief.

I was riddled with anxiety. I knew that I had done well enough the first time but I was still scared that I was not going to do as well on the test if I was required to take it again. For a day and a half, I was constantly worried, but, as it does most of the time, I was again reassured by the positive outcome and I was able to carry on again, or until the next time that a major stress factor for me occurs.