With Halloween just around the corner, I would like to give you some costume advice. I’m not going to tell you that you absolutely cannot wear these costumes, but rather heavily imply it. These costumes range from possibly offensive to “but why though?” They are also in no particular order.

The first one I’d like to talk about is a sexy Harambe costume. I kid you not, this is a real thing. The costume is literally nothing more than gorilla costume for women that comes with a short skirt. For some reason, we’ve tried to make gorillas sexy.

Another issue with this costume is that for some odd reason, there is no sexy Harambe costume for men even though Harambe was, in fact, a male gorilla. This costume is simply in poor taste, because it does nothing but dishonor the memory of the unlucky child who fell  into Haramabe’s enclosure. The child that was brutally and mercilessly assault by this gorilla, and yet we chose to honor the gorilla and not the child.

Now that I think about it, can we just not do “sexy” anything this year? Whenever someone tries to take a normal costume idea and turn it “sexy,” it never works (well, almost never). Plus, Halloween isn’t a time of the year to dress up to look sexy for others, it’s a time to dress up and try and scare all your friends intentionally. These “sexy” costumes are in fact scary, but they’re only scary because people think that they look sexy when they really should be wearing more clothes. This applies not only to women but also to men. Let’s try and cut the sexy down this year people.

Two other costumes that I’d like to bring to your attention are Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton costumes. These costumes are, yes, horrifying. However, they are simply not funny. Would you really enjoy it if you’re trying to turn up at a party and Hillary Clinton walks in looking for her emails? Then proceeds to try and party with you and busts out that radical shimmy she did at second debate? Or, how would you feel if Donald Trump came to your party and started calling all the women “nasty woman” and tried to build a wall to keep them out of the party? It would not be fun and it would, in fact, ruin the part. If you dress up as either Trump or Clinton, you would feel the need to attempt to embody them and do nothing but attempt to speak politics with people that know more about politics than Trump and Clinton combined.

Finally, we have clowns. We are all well-aware of this clown epidemic going around the country where people dress up as clowns in order to scare the pee out of random people that are unfortunate enough to pass them in the streets. This costume is only a fail because it’s been well established by centuries of kids having nightmares that clowns are the most horrifying thing to ever exist. Clowns are terrifying, and if you were to go to a party dressed up as a clown, then you would be mauled by the everyone present at the party, especially the person in the sexy Harambe costume. No one wants a clown at their Halloween party. They belong at the circus and nowhere else. Why? Because clowns want to be the dominate species on the planet and they’ll destroy us all to make it happen.