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Types of People As: Thanksgiving Dishes

November 18, 2021

While it may be tempting to start listening to Christmas music as soon as Halloween ends, I’m not here for the erasure of one of my favorite holidays, Thanksgiving. Yes, it originated in the violent oppression of Native Americans by white colonists, but considering the sheer amount of racist violence in US history, if we shun every event with a dark past we aren’t going to have many federal holidays left to celebrate. 

For me, Thanksgiving is all about the food – it’s a day to get together with your loved ones, whether that’s family or friends, and eat as much as humanly possible. As we head towards Thanksgiving break, what better way to get in the holiday spirit than by deciding which menu item best matches your personality? 

(Disclaimer: All of these foods are what my family usually makes on Thanksgiving. Please do not get mad at me if your favorite Thanksgiving food is not included in this non-comprehensive list. I only have so much column space, and I will cry if you get mad at me. Thank you, and enjoy.)

 

Turkey: the dependable friend, seems gentle on the surface but has a surprisingly biting sense of humor, big cable-knit sweaters, surrounded by half-finished mugs of cold tea at all times, dog person, dark sparkling eyes

 

Mashed Potatoes: warm demeanor, lives in sweatshirts and leggings, puts garlic in everything, rewatching their favorite childhood movies whenever they get even slightly stressed, gets colds constantly, the cuddliest person ever

 

Stuffing: grandma energy, their love language is making food for other people, watches a lot of 70s/80s crime shows and sitcoms, lives in brown and sage green, windowsill herb gardens, Fleetwood Mac on repeat

 

Baked Mac n’ Cheese: super stubborn, lactose intolerant but refuses to stop eating dairy, nose always in a book, the most loyal friend you’ll ever have, spends a lot of time with family, Parks and Rec > The Office

 

Obligatory Green Vegetable: mostly eats plant-based but has a weakness for bacon, always looks before they leap, buys planners and actually uses them, massive collection of cardigans, herbal tea, crying as they read “The Bell Jar”

 

Cranberry Sauce: their smile lights up any room, you either love them or love to hate them, manages to stay cheerful even when things get tough, wardrobe full of vibrant color, not afraid to take the road less traveled, loves super-flavorful food (especially if it’s spicy!)

 

Pumpkin Pie: sweet as pie, the best listener, always prepared for any possible emergency, loves going on little adventures with their friends, baking cinnamon-spiced goodies all autumn, scaring themself with horror movies right before bed

 

Sparkling Grape Juice: life of the party, contagious laughter, wants to be Fran Fine from “The Nanny” when they grow up, always experimenting with fashion, bubblegum pop and heavy metal on shuffle, very competitive about the tiniest things

 

Is your favorite Thanksgiving dish listed here? Which food do you identify with most? This Thanksgiving, enjoy a break from classes and spend some time with your loved ones. Make your favorite foods, and take a nice walk in a park or nature preserve or even around your neighborhood to walk off that massive meal. Most importantly, get some rest – you’ll need to save up some energy for the final push towards the end of the semester!

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