The New Habits That Help

The days blur together.

Sometimes I can’t remember what day it is or what I had done the previous day. Days seem long but they also go by quickly.

It’s been almost a month since everything changed for me. It doesn’t even feel like it was that long ago when I was told classes are going online and my senior year is basically over. No more memories and experiences. Then Millikin canceled graduation. Now, I have nothing to look forward to at the end of the semester.

Everything feels like it was taken away, but life still feels kind of normal for me. Being a homebody and introvert, my days still consist of my normal routines—getting up early, working on homework and being in class. Nothing really is the same and it probably won’t ever be the same again.

It’s hard having your last semester of college ripped away from you and you are not allowed to get the closure that you need and deserve. But while I was sad and extremely disappointed, I have come to understand that even though things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to, I am now able to make changes and establish new habits within myself.

I don’t spend my days dwelling on the past, I think about the future and how I am going to establish my life once this pandemic is over. The future is uncertain, but I am remaining optimistic and hopeful that I will grow out of this situation as a stronger and more resilient person.

I am trying to not be on my phone as much. I color in my adult coloring books, take walks, do laundry, listen to music, and try new baking recipes. I light the candles in my room, reorganize my closet, rearrange my bedroom, and clean. These things help me feel more productive and at the end of doing these tasks, I feel a sense of accomplishment. It makes it seem like I am not wasting my time. I don’t really get bored because I am trying to find different things to do to entertain myself. I don’t want to rely on my phone for everything, so I get creative and find ways to keep myself busy during the day.

I like to think on the positive side of things, so even though life right now is uncertain and shaky, I am glad to have this time to create new habits and ideas for myself. I have been creating lists of things I eventually want to buy and thinking of new routines I can start for my hair and face. I’ve been reading and creating new ideas. I’m a creative writing major, so I have used my imagination on how I can manage my whole day to stay feeling productive.

I miss seeing my friends and I miss visiting my parents. I miss being with my boyfriend. I miss being able to go outside and not having to worry about contracting a virus. I miss going to class and walking on campus. I miss seeing my professors in person and I miss working.

All of my future plans went out the window and now I don’t know where or if I will be able to find a job in the near future.  No matter what, time isn’t stopping, so I will keep growing into a stronger woman and establishing healthy habits that I will keep after this is all over.

Even though it feels like the end, there is more. I know this isn’t the end, so I keep pushing through and keep my eyes on my positive future that I will eventually get to have.

Life for me feels the same but also very different. I chose to not sink and to keep making myself better, building myself up so that I can handle whatever life throws at me. I am okay. I have a lot to be thankful for. I am safe and I am healthy.

Nothing turned out how I wanted it to, but that’s okay. I know that there will be a light at the end of this long, dark, uncertain tunnel. And I will be ready for it. I am ready for what the future has in store for me. It’s not going to come in the timeline that I want, but that’s okay. I will get there someday.